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I knew there was a joke to be made

G-d bless the Onion for finding it:

Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

January 28, 2010 | Issue 46•04

A black-and-white yearbook-style photo of a young Salinger. He is a white man with dark hair sitting in three-quarters profile. He wears a shirt and tie with a light-colored blazer

CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn’t do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. “He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers,” said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don’t have to look at them for four years. “There will never be another voice like his.” Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it’s just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.

  1. Vikky
    February 1, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Everytime Holden would call someone “crumby” I’d get pulled out of the narrative for a second. “CRUMMY”, PLEASE.

  2. Vikky
    February 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    …that’s what she said.

  3. Vikky
    February 18, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who has just stopped reading. There is so much Doctor Who to watch, I seriously… just can’t be bothered with books right now. DON’T YOU NERDS REALIZE WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ROSE?!

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